our lost love and our found life...

And I thought it was lasting...

You'll never know what you really feel as time goes by... I thought I'd be in love with him forever.. But I was wrong... Really, every rope has its end...

You can never deny that there would always be a certain part of your heart that would always linger in the past. I have not expected there would still come a time again that we would be able to rekindle our lost love.. Because it seems that time is so selfish when it comes to us...

I have fallen in love with him at the very first sight. And I whisper to my mind that it would be impossible to have this man in my life. He was just way too FLY... I told myself that he was just a dream... And I did not mind. Because I was with my first love that time. :) Everytime he passes by, he always had my eyes. I did not know that our worlds would become ONE one day...

When I reached my sophomore year he became my classmate. He seemed to not exist because I was too busy to notice him. I had not thought he'd been noticing my flaws. Well, talking about my not-so-right-for-girls behavior. He says I was too loud that he would never dare to have me as his girlfriend.  

But then again, we're talking about fate or coincidence. He did had courted me. And I gave him my "yes" right away! May be you may say it was a desperate move. I was just so frustrated with my first boyfriend, the reason why I need someone to lean on. He was just my crush and I was apparently not in love with him that time...

But as time goes by, this playboy-type guy caught my heart. He was just too sweet that I can't resist it. And also we had all the time in the world for we were classmates! Imagine how we could turn our vacant hours, recess and even during our classes into a dating mood. lawl. You may just laugh about it. It was kind of childish I know... And I remember that ONE DAY when we were upto TRUTH AND CONSEQUENCE and we were dared to hold hands and a teacher had caught us doing that... And guess what, I just smiled at her! [..I was just so innocent! haha!..] I never knew it was a violation. PUBLIC DISPLAY OF AFFECTION (PDA). haha But I don't care that time. The only thing that's running through my mind is that "I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM"...

He really caught me completely off guard... I did not notice that. COMPLETELY...

But then, what would you expect from my poor innocence of these things?

From then on, I became so confident that this would all be stable. There would be no problems. Everything will just be fine.

What a poor child...

I never thought of his game. Third parties. Flirting with other girls. Secretly cheating. And almost lying eveyrday...

And I never knew it was possible. I was blinded with the idea of our, let's say, almost perfect LOVE STORY... You can't blame me, I had forgiven him so many times, the reason that it had turn me into the worst monster you can ever imagine!

I became rude and harsh to him. I had tortured him emotionally when he was finally really into me. I had told him my feelings for him faded away, which is not really true. I don't know what was my purpose, but may be I just did it for vengeance. I want a fair play. I needed a fair game that time... I need to heal the wounds inside me... But I did not want to lose him... :(

And eventually, he got sick and tired... He left me in the midst... He left me crying for life... He was my life... I did not know how to live then when he left! He was my everyday life!


I seek every possible cure for my broken heart. I tried to stay steadfast for my pride. But then I also became so weak that there were so many times I ate my pride and just begged him to stay... TO STAY...


But his heart did not listen to me... He wanted to be free...
I let him down.. And he wanted me to be gone...
"He doesn't care who's right or wrong... He just doesn't love me anymore..."

As I look back in the past, I fall in love over and over again... It's just so different... It's full of hearty laughs and sincere cries.. It's just so TRUE...


May be it was all really just a dream... A dream that once came true...

May be I made a few mistakes... But I need not to stay regretful.. It was all over and I need to move on... Everything happens for a reason, I know...


But then may be FATE wants to tell some important thing to me that I could not get...

We were back in each others' arms... But not officially.
We tried to redo everything. Start all over again...


But it doesn't feels right anymore.
It was all just a memory of the past.


Things are not the same anymore.
We are already two different persons.
We had already lived our separate lives.
We just don't love that much now.


Maybe we can find that love again in someone's arms..
Some stranger again that would come into our lives.
May be there's still a lil love left...
But not enough to rekindle everything.


Not enough to start our love story again...


But I loved him. He loved me.
That's a beautiful memory to remember.
A beautiful gift in life to ponder...


Thank you Mr. Lyndon Solitario.
I loved you.
And goodbye... 






___________________________________________


..I am starting my love story with someone else..
..I don't know where this leads me..
..Let my heart be the guide..


_____________________________________________

A sad love story hinders me from moving on...

"One piece of paper with words for cure...
My tears like liter when it seemed obscure...
I thought it'll be thorough, the changes in me.
But reading that piece of artwork make my heart bleed..."

I walked a thousand miles away from that place, I walked to find my saving grace... All I did was keep myself away, from falling so hard in a world like dim gray...

I tried to hold back and see what's left, but all I found was my crumbled dignity so wrecked... I thought to move forward and stop looking back, but there came a sad love story that invaded my insights with black...

I wanted to say to him that I regret... I wanted to come back to him and stop this whack... But he did shattered my dreams and left me upset... All I can do is blame myself I bet...

But what happened to the strong me who goes forth? Who decided to forget and improve myself at all sort? Why am I being blinded by a story of one man? When it is her destiny to mend?

I have my own life to live and amend... I have my own dime to own and recommend.. I need to stay steadfast but not stoned... I need to realize that I am on me and not of his own...

May a sad love story stay in our memory, serve as a lesson to us in misery...
But let us consider all options given by our intuition, that we may not only choose what we want but what's rightful in our vision...

The Music Of Love...

Music...

Every sad song urges me to tell a tale that happened, but every time I try I just sit and cry... I don't know why I have to share these feelings, but it does gives me a sense of "what-might."

Some songs make me feel it's right... But some songs make me feel like I wanted to die...
Though I become weak when I start to write,
all those tears encourage me to fight...

There was a part in my life that I stayed in remorse, but when I start to realize, I think it's just right for my glorious endeavors...

Sometimes I do regret that I have lost him.. That I had let him go. And I've thought it was because of me why he felt that lack of affection... I know why he had chosen to leave me behind, because it says in the studies that men do make many reasons to stay out of the relationship when they feel they are already not admired.

But I am okay now... I think if I had not lost him, I would never grow up mature and I would not realize more of the things around me. It is indeed true that we need space to grow up, no matter how painful it is to be apart from the person you've loved so, it is really a need for your own good.

It is not that all beautiful things in life don't last... It's just that there are more beautiful things in life that you have not seen yet...

I thought he was the most beautiful gift that ever came into my life. I cried each day that times when I've realized that I can't have him back... But when I started to live my life again, I have seen more than of a gift, but a LIFE...

At first, indeed, it was hard. Everything that I do, it reminds me of him and the times that we had... I had not seen the reason yet that time why those things had to happen... But I just try to stop blaming myself and go on...

I studied hard enough to keep myself busy... I entered organizations in our school... And I was so relieved to feel so free... Free with no guilt in my heart... No guilt for I was not disobeying my parents anymore... No guilt for I was not immoral to the eyes of the people anymore... And free for I was doing the right thing now...

But though I had been feeling so lite, I cannot do away of missing something I use to live with... I use to live for...

I graduated with honors in high school, which I had lost since I was in the secondary level... My parents were so proud and I felt so confident for I was apparently on the right track... I had stopped my minor vices, I had avoided bad influences and now I am truly living...

Sometimes too much love could close our minds from possibilities... The love I had? It wasn't that easy to let go. We tried to rekindle our love too many times, but he, he had always said "it's not yet our time". I still can't understand what his words meant until now, but I believe, when we have to live our own lives first, we better accept the fact that there's more to prioritize first in our lives than our love for each other... I am proud that I have loved and met a guy like him... Although it was not a perfect and ideal relationship, it was such a meaningful one and worth pondering for...

I believe that our choices in life will reflect how will our life turn out in the future... FATE do exists, we have two fates in this world... The meaningful fate and the tragic fate... And we have two finished lines in our lives...

If we choose the right way, make the right choices though sometimes it is really too hard, we will have our heart-warming and life-worth-living FINISH LINE... Our Meaningful Fate.

But when we chose the wrong way, we chose to be wrong, we chose to be blinded by the tears we have cried and the scars trials have left in our hearts, we will surely be destined to the TRAGIC FATE we never dreamed of...

So don't be afraid to let go of that love in the meantime, and never be afraid too to fall in love in the first place, just follow your heart... But be on the right path...

Take note, I don't regret that I fell in love and got hurt, because I had felt the most beautiful feeling I have ever experienced in my life... Just do it when you feel it and leave it when there's more good reasons beyond it...



TRUE LOVE WAITS.......(^'v'^)